Sept. being chronic pain month, I’m going to broach yet another taboo topic. Sex. Humans are sexual beings. We are made in a way to enjoy it. If we weren’t supposed to enjoy it we wouldn’t have those receptors that give pleasure. This is yet one more thing to add to the list of things you often can’t do when you live with chronic pain. If you do, you often can’t enjoy it.
There are medical pills to aid those with problems getting to arousal, keeping arousal, not being too dry, and other sexual difficulties. But if doing it hurts somewhere that has nothing to do with sexual organs, well you’re just not going to enjoy it and there’s no medical help except pain pills that often lessen the pleasurable feelings.
This is where I say Yay for sexual aids “toys” and even humans that can help who won’t judge. Yep, I mean prostitutes. You can buy a human who won’t judge you for your looks and doesn’t know you or care about pain, but their job is to give pleasure. It’s not talked about much even among those of us with chronic pain, but as a social worker I know such companions ARE used by people with disabilities and chronic pain. Yet society judges that you are buying it or taking advantage of the sex worker and you are bad.
If you’ve never had a disability or injury that’s caused you to lose use of an arm or hand or it causes incredible pain to use it, then you have no idea how much sex is missed. Well, not sex, but the arousal and orgasms. If you can’t arouse yourself manually how else are you supposed to? Sex toys and/or a sex worker.
I read books by an author who includes in her series, that is futuristic, government licensed companions. LC’s have rules to follow, like health care and physicals to keep their license. They aren’t supposed to use illegal drugs. However they can use drugs designed to enhance the sexual experience if the client wants it. Oftentimes LC’s will get training in the social sciences; psychology, or sex counseling for couples, etc. Yes, there are those of “lower caliber” who work the streets, but they still have those rules to follow. There are those who cater to the rich who have those degrees in psych or business. What I’m saying is, they are an accepted part of society. Accepted as something that is necessary, and lessens the amount of sex crimes too. They enjoy giving pleasure to the client. It’s a job. Many are married.
Personally, I think the world would be a better place with Licensed Companions. Even low income people can afford them. Many times people with disabilities or chronic pain are low income. There wouldn’t be the fear of judgement or catching diseases. The quality of life of a person who can’t manually give themself pleasure would increase. Happiness would increase. Some of you are thinking, well just use the sex toys. Again, if you can’t use your hand?
Are people with disabilities supposed to never have or enjoy sex or those pleasurable feelings? And don’t, just don’t bring religion into the discussion. The ONLY religion that says sex is only for procreation is Christianity. I’ve only ever heard christians say you’re not supposed to enjoy it. That’s bullshit. If you actually know history then you know Romans and Greeks used prostitutes, because husbands were only allowed to have sex with their wives at certain times, etc. Many histories/cultures had prostitutes as people of status in society.
I’ve had the prostitute discussion and the porn discussion with many of my friends and social work colleagues. Some think there’s no way to have it without the person being abused. The hooker, stripper, or whoever HAD to be forced into it somehow. It can never be a good choice to sell yourself. I also know some women and men who enjoy their good looks and their sensuality and WANT to be a stripper, etc, enjoy giving others pleasure. Some simply enjoy that powerful feeling sex can give us.
Why should people in pain or disabled be denied feeling sexual? Modern society needs to get rid of the taboos around talking about healthy sex. Surely virtual reality will come up with something soon.