We need it too

Sept. being chronic pain month, I’m going to broach yet another taboo topic. Sex. Humans are sexual beings. We are made in a way to enjoy it. If we weren’t supposed to enjoy it we wouldn’t have those receptors that give pleasure. This is yet one more thing to add to the list of things you often can’t do when you live with chronic pain. If you do, you often can’t enjoy it.

Sexuality: A Critical Component of Quality of Life in Chronic Disease -  Nursing Clinics

There are medical pills to aid those with problems getting to arousal, keeping arousal, not being too dry, and other sexual difficulties. But if doing it hurts somewhere that has nothing to do with sexual organs, well you’re just not going to enjoy it and there’s no medical help except pain pills that often lessen the pleasurable feelings.

Stomach Pain After Sex: Why Women Experience Abdominal Pain After Sex or  Intercourse

This is where I say Yay for sexual aids “toys” and even humans that can help who won’t judge. Yep, I mean prostitutes. You can buy a human who won’t judge you for your looks and doesn’t know you or care about pain, but their job is to give pleasure. It’s not talked about much even among those of us with chronic pain, but as a social worker I know such companions ARE used by people with disabilities and chronic pain. Yet society judges that you are buying it or taking advantage of the sex worker and you are bad.

If you’ve never had a disability or injury that’s caused you to lose use of an arm or hand or it causes incredible pain to use it, then you have no idea how much sex is missed. Well, not sex, but the arousal and orgasms. If you can’t arouse yourself manually how else are you supposed to? Sex toys and/or a sex worker.

I read books by an author who includes in her series, that is futuristic, government licensed companions. LC’s have rules to follow, like health care and physicals to keep their license. They aren’t supposed to use illegal drugs. However they can use drugs designed to enhance the sexual experience if the client wants it. Oftentimes LC’s will get training in the social sciences; psychology, or sex counseling for couples, etc. Yes, there are those of “lower caliber” who work the streets, but they still have those rules to follow. There are those who cater to the rich who have those degrees in psych or business. What I’m saying is, they are an accepted part of society. Accepted as something that is necessary, and lessens the amount of sex crimes too. They enjoy giving pleasure to the client. It’s a job. Many are married.

Personally, I think the world would be a better place with Licensed Companions. Even low income people can afford them. Many times people with disabilities or chronic pain are low income. There wouldn’t be the fear of judgement or catching diseases. The quality of life of a person who can’t manually give themself pleasure would increase. Happiness would increase. Some of you are thinking, well just use the sex toys. Again, if you can’t use your hand?

Michael Kaplan Sex Quotes | QuoteHD

Are people with disabilities supposed to never have or enjoy sex or those pleasurable feelings? And don’t, just don’t bring religion into the discussion. The ONLY religion that says sex is only for procreation is Christianity. I’ve only ever heard christians say you’re not supposed to enjoy it. That’s bullshit. If you actually know history then you know Romans and Greeks used prostitutes, because husbands were only allowed to have sex with their wives at certain times, etc. Many histories/cultures had prostitutes as people of status in society.

Touch, Sex and Disability in the time of COVID-19 – Handi

I’ve had the prostitute discussion and the porn discussion with many of my friends and social work colleagues. Some think there’s no way to have it without the person being abused. The hooker, stripper, or whoever HAD to be forced into it somehow. It can never be a good choice to sell yourself. I also know some women and men who enjoy their good looks and their sensuality and WANT to be a stripper, etc, enjoy giving others pleasure. Some simply enjoy that powerful feeling sex can give us.

Why should people in pain or disabled be denied feeling sexual? Modern society needs to get rid of the taboos around talking about healthy sex. Surely virtual reality will come up with something soon.

The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability | Shirley Ryan AbilityLab

No Longer On Call

I don’t have the right to cry. Right? When a woman has allowed herself to be used, per her choice, does she have the right to feel like shit?

We tell ourselves we know what we are doing. We tell ourselves we are big girls and old enough to make our own decisions. We tell ourselves we are independent. We tell ourselves that we can take care of ourselves. We tell ourselves that we too can have a relationship where there is just sex and no strings attached. We tell ourselves we can do anything a man can do. We tell ourselves lies.

Is it really a case of; what’s good for the goose is good for the gander? Can we do it? Can a woman really just have sex without involving feelings and emotions? I’ve heard some guys say men can be friends with women and not think of them in a sexual way, and I’ve heard some men say it’s impossible-that men can’t be JUST friends with any woman; they HAVE to think of them in a sexual way at some point. So, for men can sex just be sex even if you’re a friend too, or if you have sex with a friend does it ruin the friendship for sure?

What about the boy toy? Can a woman just have a guy she calls just for a booty call, or will she eventually develop some sort of feelings for the guy or think it’s some sort of friendship?

What I’m getting at is: why the hell does a woman eventually feel cheapened somehow by all of it and guys don’t? Why does a woman still feel lonely after a night of meaningless sex, and guys don’t give a fuck? Why do guys think less of the woman who is the booty call and go on looking for Miss Right? Why do women demean themselves and do the booty call and hope maybe this guy will like me when they really know what the hell it is? Why is it OK for guys to do whatever they want and get applauded for it by other guys, but women get called sluts by guys and women both? Why is sex so confusing?

Why does everyone just have to be made so lonely and made to jump through hoops and feel like shit. Hell, people kill themselves over this stuff. Why is this so hard? Someone has made all this into a game, and it’s not very funny. This big cosmic joke isn’t making anyone laugh. Finding someone to love should be fun. There should be laughing and fun.

Different cultures and different countries have different ways of doing all this. There are places where sex is revered. Sex can be magical. Sex can be sacred. It can bring you to the heights of mystical places if you are with the right partner, you are relaxed, and you can thoroughly enjoy yourselves. It doesn’t have to be a rush job that lasts 10 minutes. There are ways to even make orgasms last for over half an hour or more.

Fewer people are even having sex these days. OK, so the teens are still “hooking up,” but even the college age crowd are hooking up less frequently. The days of free love from the 1960’s are definitely over. It seems everyone is just too cynical about love and relationships. Gee, I wonder how that happened. It couldn’t be all the games that people play, could it? Well, I’m not playin’. This chick is tired and lonely. Been used and abused for too long. Game over.