I’ve Found Bigfoot!

Now, before you get all excited and start waiting for me to download great pics of this thing I have to warn you-it’s not what I expected at all. As they say a lot in Hollywood movies, “I thought you’d be a lot taller in person.”

For starters it’s a She and only about 5 ft. 1inch tall and lives in MN. She doesn’t really have a very big foot at all. Only ’bout a size 7 1/2. I guess she could kick your ass with it though. It would depend on just how badly you had pissed her off and what day of the week it was and what the weather was like. She can get a little ripe. That depends on several factors. Apparently taking a shower can be painful.

OK. OK. I give up the gag. You’re too smart. Yes, it’s me. I can get as hairy as the Hendersons (insert movie reference.) It’s really not my fault. I blame the Osteogenesis Imperfecta! I blame the fibromyalgia! I blame the Joint Hypermobility Syndrome! I blame my gad dern body. It just doesn’t want to obey. I have several medical/physical issues that cause chronic pain.

Chronic pain can cause even the most mild human being to roar like a forest monster. The poor cashier at the grocery store won’t know what hit them when I’ve been through their isle on a bad pain day in a hurry to get home to my comfy chair. The phrase “bit their head off” comes to mind. Sound a little bit like a grumpy hairy monster-like fellow?

The fabled beast has been noted to walk funny, or have a rambling gait. I have no idea why HE does, but my mobility problems are because I have bone spurs all over the place and arthritis in my joints. That causes me to walk slowly, rambly and funny and makes people get mad at ME! Well, toot toot, go around me if yer in such an all-fire hurry. Geesh. I try to stay close to the side if I’m going up or down stairs just so people CAN go around me, but I still have to listen to their grumbles about my slowness. On the days when I’m in a wheelchair; holy cow are people rude!

I’d like to see the big furry guy in a wheelchair. I’m betting no one would be rude to him.

Even if he smelled like a boy’s locker room. Well, I don’t get THAT bad. There are times when I have to go a few days without a shower. I just can’t lift my arms high enough to wash, or I just can’t climb over the side of the tub to get in. Especially in the summer this can lead to some smelly situations. I can’t afford to have A/C, so my house averages about 90 degrees Fahrenheit. You can understand where I’m leading about the smell? A few days, or weeks, of sweating in my bed and not being able to change the sheets by myself…you get the idea. I don’t even think the Yeti would want to come cool me off.

Without being able to wash means, yes I also can’t shave my legs. Good thing no one is currently running their hands up and down them except me. To put lotion on! Wow. Get your minds out of that gutter! So, anyway, I am quite furry and alas the Bigfoot sighting. It’s been a while now. You know what it looks like when you’ve had a cast on your leg and you get it taken off? You grossed out now? Well, it’s not THAT bad yet. Just thought I’d give you a fun visual. LOL! Not quite man-hairy, but not very lady-like either.

This is no way for a single woman to live. THIS is not very “come hither-ish” quality to catch a good date. Ya think? How ’bout that bigfoot? Think I could catch him? He might be available…

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